When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize