I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
