dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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