I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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