chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
two words: eviction party
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
