My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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