So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you win again, gameday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
