who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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