Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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