I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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