OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
