Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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