I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i believe in u and ur pee
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
