You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
