flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
