it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
