I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
