There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.