i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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