I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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