a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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