Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
