wake up i wanna do it froggy style
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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