The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
