Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
