i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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