So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
