And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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