I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
