Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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