thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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