I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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