I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
