I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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