Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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