do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
