Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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