very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
