Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
