Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
