I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
