Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
