We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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