I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
