i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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