She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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