That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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