Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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