why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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