Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
