OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
