our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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