I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
