im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
