Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
