Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
