So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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