I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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