there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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