I think I am morally bankrupt
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
