i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
