She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
