Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize