Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
True strength comes from lack of pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
