The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
