You're so nebulous sometimes
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.