Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.