Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.