They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company