She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.