I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.