Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Randomize
Follow @tfln