I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?