my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
