I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
