This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
