she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
