The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
