we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
