the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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